After a Romance Scam: Reporting, Recovery and Support
Realising a relationship was a scam is devastating. What to do next: stop contact, protect your money and accounts, report it, avoid recovery scams, and look after yourself.
Realising that someone you loved online was never real is one of the hardest experiences a scam can cause. You may be grieving a relationship, facing a financial loss, and feeling ashamed, all at once. None of this means you were foolish. Romance scammers are professionals who spend months building trust. This guide covers the practical steps and the emotional ones.
Step 1: Stop contact
Save the conversation and profile details first, then block the scammer everywhere. Expect them to try again with guilt, new stories, or claims that they really do love you and were forced into it. Do not respond.
Step 2: Protect your money
- Call your bank about recent payments and ask for a recall or dispute. Our guide on what to tell your bank has a script.
- Contact any crypto exchange you used.
- Check for loans or accounts you did not open if you shared ID documents.
- Read can you get your money back after a scam? for what affects recovery.
Step 3: Secure your accounts and identity
- Change passwords you may have shared, starting with email, and turn on two-step verification.
- If you shared ID documents, consider a credit freeze or fraud alert where available.
- If you received money or parcels for the scammer, stop, and tell your bank and the police. See money mule recruitment.
- If the scammer has intimate images and is threatening you, see sextortion: what to do.
Step 4: Report it
- Report the profile to the dating app or social network.
- Report to your national fraud or cybercrime service; see our country-by-country guide.
- Keep reference numbers for your bank claim.
Beware of recovery scams. After a romance scam, victims are often contacted by people offering to recover their money for a fee, or by "investigators" who know details of the case. These are almost always scams. See recovery scams.
Step 5: Look after yourself
The emotional impact of a romance scam can be profound. Common feelings include grief, shame, anger, loneliness and difficulty trusting others.
- Tell someone you trust. Carrying it alone makes it heavier.
- Grieve the relationship. Your feelings were real, even if the person was not.
- Replace blame with facts. You were targeted by people who do this full time.
- Seek support from your doctor, a counsellor, or victim support services. In England and Wales, Victim Support helps people affected by fraud.
Our guide to the emotional impact of being scammed explains more.
If you feel overwhelmed or have thoughts of harming yourself, contact your local emergency number or a crisis line straight away.
Moving forward
Many people go on to have healthy relationships, online and offline, after a romance scam. Simple rules help rebuild confidence: verify identity with video calls, keep money out of new relationships, and talk to friends about people you meet. Our dating app safety checklist is a good starting point.
For the full picture of how scams work and how to protect yourself, read the complete guide to online scams.
Frequently asked questions
Can I get my money back after a romance scam?
Sometimes, depending on how you paid and how quickly you report it. Card payments and recent transfers have the best chance. Contact your bank immediately and see our guide on getting money back after a scam.
The scammer is still messaging me. Should I reply?
No. Save the messages, then block and report the account. Scammers may try guilt, new stories, or claim they really do love you.
Why do I still miss them?
Because the feelings you had were real, even if the person was not. Grief after a romance scam is normal and deserves the same care as any loss.
Sources
- What To Know About Romance Scams, US Federal Trade Commission
- What To Do if You Were Scammed, US Federal Trade Commission
- Victim Support, Victim Support (England and Wales)
